Challenged in a Way
Many people ask, how I reveal my past without regards to how it can affect my future and collectively, I’ve always answered them the same way. “Besides for testimony sake, the freedom that the truth carries weighs a considerable amount less than the burden and effort it takes to conceal my history.” However, this past week I was challenged in a way that tested not my commitment to sharing the truth, but my trust that the Lord would use my experiences regardless of what man says concerning it.
To explain in more detail, I was faced with needing an approval from a certain security administration before I could move forward in my personal life. I hung up the phone after stating each offense that I had against the State and as I spoke, it wasn’t in any way the same feeling as sharing my testimony with others for the end goal of encouraging the faith. It was simply a decision that seemed as though it were going to be based on letters and dates verses merit and growth. Because I didn’t immediately hear back, I sat on the couch outside of my office for nearly two hours after petitioning the Lord in prayer. I clearly allowed my circumstance to rule my thought life which reveals my lack of trust in our sovereign God.
As it turns out, I received the go ahead to proceed with my personal plans, but my thankfulness and appreciation doesn’t cover my poor response to the fear that presented itself just a week prior. Whether my past sin prohibits my near future, it is something that is out of my control. Looking back, I don’t know what I planned to accomplish by sitting motionless running through the endless possibilities of there being issues and problems. What is certain is that because of my worry, I wasted valuable time that I could have been using to plan out my sure witness for the Lord.
But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.
John 14:26-27 (ESV)