The Spencer Project - Part 2
As I listen to the folds in the paper come alive, He sends over another creased poem my way. This one has no name. Before I begin to read, I can't help but wonder why this Soldier carries the written thoughts of his heart around with him in print and readily available. I've heard it said before, "Don't wear your heart on your sleeve," however this gives a whole new meaning to the phrase in my mind. I realize that I am learning and before I move forward to discover more, I say a silent prayer to the Lord asking that He open my heart to understand the man that He has placed purposely in my Path.
I've been trapped by these walls for seven long years; been one hell of a bout.
It's true that I know how I got here, just not how to get out.
I speak to you now with false hope on my breath,
but if you saw me inside it would scare you to death.
All of this time I've been lugging this gear,
searching for peace year after year.
Despite my best acting, I wish you could see.
At the end of it all, I don't know how to be me.
My mind is still over there, afraid and alone.
Don't give up on me yet; I'll find my way home.
I've carried this gear oh for so long,
and it's hard to admit that I'm not that strong.
I put myself out there to answer the call,
not knowing the job included building my walls.
I'm a stranger at home to my kids and my wife.
They watch in horror as I fight for my life.
The tears they come; my brothers, they're dying.
I lug all their gear secretly crying.
I drink all the liquor; did drugs to be stronger,
but this gear is too heavy. I can't hold it much longer.
I know I'm a time bomb trying to hide the truth.
I see you through black blood; my emptiness is proof.
The time has now come to look at my gear;
some isn't mine but I've kept it for years.
It won't be easy fighting my pride,
but I long for the day all this gears not inside.
I want to act as though I knew the exact words to comfort this wounded warrior, however all I could do was just love him. Spencer is exactly why I wrote my novel. His words reveal more than just bad memories. They speak to the hopelessness that comes from many years of warring with evil.
I stayed and spoke with this brave one, listening to all he was willing to share for nearly an hour. When he finally revealed the amount of time that had passed between writing the two poems, I secretly cringed. I know the weight of his burden because I've carried it myself. It is way too much for one person to bare especially for this long.
Trying not to expose my hidden horror, an idea came to my mind. I will give it a name and it will be called, The Spencer Project.
To be continued....
“…Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30 (ESV)