Without It, We Are Lost!

We were on our way to South Carolina to get a special certification for a certain marriage counseling program when Caleb got the news.

“Sir, I’m calling to report the death of a retired Soldier. You are the staff Chaplain on duty for Monday so we will need you to conduct his service.”

At this point, the on call Officer knew just as much information as we did and his news was hardly how we predicted starting our four day weekend. Though it didn’t interfere with what we were scheduled to learn, when Monday rolled around, our spirits were a bit downcast. Studying for 8 hours on how to give life to relationships hardly prepped us on the mood needed surrounding one’s end.

Though curious, Monday was not a day for further questioning. I stood quietly behind my husband who was faithful to collect as many details about this stranger’s life as he could and waited as patiently as possible while another Veteran’s funeral was being conducted. The below freezing temperature on top of the mountain at Georgia National Cemetery only made matters worse once we found out that no family or friends were present to observe the man’s death.

Full of sorrow, I was relieved when others showed up for the service Caleb had prepared. The Soldier’s Sailor son was also honoring his father by playing Taps on his very own trumpet.

Though people, the song, and gunfire demanded respect, nothing compared to the comfort I received when all things were pointed back to the cross that saves us. Caleb’s message of the hope that can be found in Christ, dissolved my anxiety over losing battles in this life. Though I can’t be positive of another’s salvation, assurance is mine if I’ve turned, repented, and believe.

I do agree that one can never hear the gospel message enough. The fact that death can lose its power over us is an astonishing truth; even more so, is the peace that is granted surrounding such a delicate situation once one’s will is surrendered for the Lord’s. Praise be to God for His holy and perfect, free gift. Without it, we are lost!

When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written:

“Death is swallowed up in victory.”
 “O death, where is your victory?
   O death, where is your sting?”

 The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.

1 Corinthians 15: 54-58 (ESV)

Let it Snow

No one thought it would happen. “It is way to warm. Maybe next year”, they said. While attempting to squash my hopes for a snow filled Christmas, I looked out the window in Twin Lakes, Wisconsin and could clearly see my breath fog up the glass. While it wasn’t neon, it was just enough of a sign to keep my hopes alive.

You will rarely discover me siding with an APP over a human beings life experience, but this time I was confident AccuWeather was going to be right; I secretly hoped so anyway. I counted on only one hand the opportunities I’ve had to play in winter’s white glory and absolutely none of these times were during my Christmas holiday. I wanted to experience this wonderland so much that I even found myself praying for this seasonal delight.

After three days and much debating, I was shocked when my wish actually came true. Down fell the first few snow flurries of December for the area and I was so excited that I nearly knocked my sweet step daughter over bouncing with joy. Like a kid, I watched through the window as the snow fell and stuck to the ground. I waited patiently until enough powder accumulated for a decent sized snowball and picture.

Looking back, I had no clue at the time how much fun my YES from the Lord would be. What stands out most to me though is that I honestly didn’t believe that my prayers were enough to make a difference. I verbally spoke my confidence out loud and in pride declared that “of course it’s going to snow”, but in my heart, it was definitely never more than a fifty fifty chance. While being right was amusing, the comedy that soon followed proves that I really didn’t believe I had God’s attention on such a tiny matter.  

Trivial lesson? I don’t think so. If I don’t learn to trust God with the small stuff, how can I muster the courage to trust Him on matters of great significance? God’s snowy creation equaled extra joy during my vacation. Why should I devalue His blessing in my life.

Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4 (ESV)

To My Surprise

Short sleeve Tee-shirts in December is just not right. This tiny, insignificant thought is what was going through my head as I aimlessly searched the Walmart parking lot for my missing car. Even though I was inside for nearly two hours, I started to grow frustrated at how long it was taking me to find it. Startled, something more important stole my attention.

I could hear them before I could see them. There is nothing that resembles the sirens of multiple police vehicles on a mission. One by one, the Columbus City Police Department’s cars, motorcycles, investigators and SWAT team surrounded the outer perimeter of the same parking lot that I was lost in. With my colorful history, I just knew something was seriously wrong.

I froze in wonder of what exactly was happening. I quickly reevaluated my situation and my need to get to my vehicle and escape whatever danger I could be near, caused my anxiety to soar. The only thing that didn’t make sense was that, “Their windows are down.” The woman beside me quickly pointed to the fact that I was already beginning to notice. But for some reason, it still didn’t satisfy my need for safety and concealment. We had no clue what was happening. Customers everywhere were taking pictures of something they too didn’t understand.  

After the 50th vehicle or so pulled in, the noise died down and their doors began to open. To my surprise, out popped tiny little people of all shapes and sizes. They, were kids! Come to find out, these officers were buying both children and teens presents for the holidays and they wanted to give them the experience of a true police escort. Wow, I horribly misjudged my circumstance. I was actually being privileged with the opportunity to witness one of the sweetest Christmas blessings ever, and I almost missed it by escaping to my car out of fear and concern.

Overhearing what they said, Jesus told him, "Don't be afraid; just believe."

Mark 5:36 (NIV)

Forgiveness in Form

I could hardly sleep. I pressed the neon light on the side of my watch and it read 3:15 AM. That was twice past the first time I looked. My nerves were bad. Nestled beside me was my husband sleeping as peacefully as could be. My stomach refused to allow for the same rest. I just stared through the darkness at the ceiling I knew all too well.

We were spending the night at my parents’ house and were actually in my old bedroom. Without little room to spread out, the intimacy did not comfort me as well as it should. Tomorrow, I would be standing in front of men, again, waiting on a decision that would personally affect my life. My desire to put my past far behind me and my future unlimited in front of me, consumed my thoughts. I didn’t know what I was planning to do if the answer was "NO."

Needless to say, the hours passed and my time came. Their answer was yes, and the State of Alabama rendered their forgiveness in the form of an official Pardon on December 1st. I was as free as the few permanent restrictions allowed for. It was done and there I stood speechless and in tears.

I can understand why research suggests we rid out lives of anxiety. At any given moment Monday night, I felt it a true possibility that my heart could leap from my chest and attack me. I wanted peace, but it seemed I couldn’t force away my worries even when I tried.

Forgiveness is difficult whether you are the one in need of mercy or the one having to excuse. I look back and I still don’t know how the Lord managed to soften the hearts of those I hurt; The damage was immense and their pain, even greater. I have no doubt that God’s will and purpose are the sole reason I still exist and it saddens me that I ever allow myself to forget his Word.

And he said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment.

Revelation 21:6 (ESV)

His Will is the Will

For ten days my house was filled with the laughter and joy of a nine year girl. I picked up strewn socks, stuffed animals, pencils, toys, crumbs and candy wrappings from under her favorite seat. I helped her with her writing, took her to Church, swam with her for fitness and washed more than the average loads of clothing for one week. We laughed, we played, we struggled, we hoped. I must have tied her shoe over a hundred times.

After her father left for work, I would feel a warm body snuggle up beside me in the bed for love and warmth. This morning she is not here and I feel my loss. My atmosphere has changed again and I can’t believe how fast I fell in love.

Blended families are much more common these days than in the past, but having not been a part of one growing up in my own family, I’m afraid that it will never feel quite right. Personally, I have two sons from a previous marriage and because of my own poor choices, I have a relationship with only one of them. Every so often, I find myself mourning over its dysfunction, but God always seems to answer that His grace is sufficient for me. It is times like these that serve as a painful reminder of where I came from.

My attitude concerning this subject is a humble one. I pray to the God who can restore all and while I serve Him, He withholds one relationship and distances the others from me. While I can fault no one but myself for the decisions I made in life, my current condition still feels a sting from a forgiven past.

While on the heels of Thanksgiving, I’m urged to be grateful for the time spent with my step daughter instead of mourn my losses. The truth is that I have much more than I deserve and my life is not my own. I belong to my king and His will is the Will I choose for today. If I look at it from any other angle, my current circumstance could crush my spirit.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

2 Corinthians 12:9 (ESV)

Pass in Freedom

It’s that time of the year again. The weather is cool, the light is scarce, and the trees are full of vibrant color. After digging out the jeans from the back of my closet, I unpack my boots and line the top shelf. My windbreakers have seen better days, but I have no worries. Fall is my favorite season. It’s not too hot and not too cold. It rains, but never overboard and things, though dying, are not dead yet. The ground carries the highest cost of this magnificent change, but it’s nothing a rake can’t take care of and I am reminded of how grateful I am to see another season pass in freedom.  

Yesterday, my husband was scheduled to preach three different times. Twice at the Regimental Chapel and once to those who have yet to endure a week in our Army’s basic training. The transition between services is mechanic and happened as it should without flaw. When we made it to the third and final message of the day, I was shocked by the response I heard to an open call for prayer requests.

One by one, without shame, young men stood up and laid bare their heart’s concerns. Their burdens, though different in specifics, were much the same in that all of these Soldiers were weighted down by the condition of things outside of their control. Their discomfort was for their wives, children, parents and friends. It was over their family’s provision, protection, comfort, and love. It was for their sick, dying, and dead.

 I leaned back in the school like desk I sat in and was taken back to a time where my own fears sounded much the same and just as loud. I’ll never forget my time away from home, but it did teach me something about what is and isn’t in my control. Today, I find great comfort in knowing that God never abandoned me. His scripture continues to bring me peace just as it did in my darkest hour.

And so the Chaplain read…

And when he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to cry out and say, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!” And many rebuked him, telling him to be silent. But he cried out all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!” And Jesus stopped and said, “Call him.” And they called the blind man, saying to him, “Take heart. Get up; he is calling you.” And throwing off his cloak, he sprang up and came to Jesus.  And Jesus said to him, “What do you want me to do for you?” And the blind man said to him, “Rabbi, let me recover my sight.”  And Jesus said to him, “Go your way; your faith has made you well.” And immediately he recovered his sight and followed him on the way.

Mark 10: 47-52 (ESV)

Dressing Me Up

After the third cancelled event in one week, I began to ask God why He kept dressing me up with no place to go.

Because I’ve learned the benefit of being spontaneous, the first time it happened, I went to a Warrior Transitional Battalion and introduced myself instead of going straight back home. It proved the right thing to do because out of it came an opportunity to speak and encourage Soldiers who are struggling in their transition from wartime to peace. It was a victory, not a disappointment in my mind; so when it happened again the very next day, my mouth fell open.

There I was fully dressed at the IHOP, ready for a prayer breakfast with my husband’s Soldiers and their family’s when I find out that it’s for not so much for the family, but ALL for the Soldier. It was 7:30 in the morning and I was dressed with all matching layers. I couldn’t believe it. I wasn’t supposed to be at home again. “Lord, where do you want me to go this time?” I asked.

I decided that since I was new in town, I would go and visit local rehabs and transitional housing centers in the area. After visiting five homes and giving one hopeful addict a ride to a recovery class, I was again pleased with the outcome of the day. Now, I was familiar with local programs that I can refer others to. Two days in a row, I was challenged with being flexible; Two days in a row, the Lord blessed my efforts. It was a double score. But later on in the week when my Sunday counseling called just minutes before I was to walk out the door and meet her, I just had to stop right then and there and ask God what was I missing.

Dumbfounded, I knew not to stay home. I googled local Churches in the area and quickly found one with similar beliefs as my own. Out the door I went and I don’t have to explain what happened next. Just know, it is one of those times when the preacher is standing behind the pulpit and talking directly to you. The message was precious and one that truly needed to be reaffirmed in my mind.

As I walked out of the sanctuary and towards my car, I stopped to thank the pastor for his service and in doing so, it dawned on me. The point of it all, is to be ready! Had I not been moved to move, I wandered if I would have been so proactive? Thank you Jesus for your abundant mercy and grace. I have no idea what I would do without your gentle nudge.

 “Stay dressed for action and keep your lamps burning, and be like men who are waiting for their master to come home from the wedding feast, so that they may open the door to him at once when he comes and knocks.  Blessed are those servants whom the master finds awake when he comes. Truly, I say to you, he will dress himself for service and have them recline at table, and he will come and serve them.  If he comes in the second watch, or in the third, and finds them awake, blessed are those servants!”

Luke 12: 35-38 (ESV)

A Light Unto

The lights were dim and the air was thick. The setting, though a reconstruction, continued to build the excitement stirring inside of me. The more people began to fill the stadium dressed in brilliant costumes, the more control it took for me to contain myself.  When the caped men finally road in on their overly adorned horses, I just had to shout for joy. I honestly couldn’t tell if it was the five year old’s birthday in front of me or mine. I was just plain happy to see the dashing knights of the older days and listen to the ancient rhetoric that naturally rolled off their lips. I couldn’t help but wonder what it would have been like living in those days.

As the medieval dinner and tournament formally began, I reached over and grabbed a hold of my modern day love. Immediately, I recognized the same thrill in his eyes. There is definitely something to be said of our ancestors about setting a creative stage.

It’s no secret that I got married a few weeks ago and it’s definitely not under wraps that I am in love. To be completely honest though, getting married was not one of my short term goals or long term plans. What was most important to me was serving the Lord with all my heart. I didn’t realize it then but while under my strict focus, the Lord was building a special castle just for me. Though I had many ideas of what perfect service was, God was formulating a much different plan for my life.

After our marriage conference’s date night officially came to an end, I sat back and was more grateful than ever. Had the Lord not ordered my steps, I would have walked away from my own knight in shining armor and my fairytale would have never been written. Though I know that in all stories there is a villain, I am pleased that my eternal Father is author of my Salvation.

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.

Psalm 119:105 (KJV)

On Solid Rock

So there we were. It was my first time whitewater rafting down stage five rapids and the two teenage girls in our raft suggest we flip our bright yellow preserver on purpose. I laugh. They sounded just like me at that age. Without better judgement, I quickly hear myself chime in. “Yes! That sounds like a great idea.” I was only half kidding but as our guide agreed to give us the intentional poor instructions on how to proceed down the river, I could feel my pulse begin to increase. My body is no longer made for adventures with such risky outcomes, but in all honesty, I was totally psyched and ready to experience something new.

All seven of us began to paddle hard to make it back up the way we came. We picked up our raft and carried it over a hill of large boulders so we could go down the rapids one more time the wrong way. Looking back, it was almost as though they were there to give us one last chance to back out. No one spoke up, so back into the water we went. This time, with a very different goal in mind.

Upon entering the river, I spoke a silent prayer for safety in my mind. Thankfully, God obliged regardless of our stupidity. We came to the point of no return and as we flew up and out, all I could see beneath the water’s surface were tiny white bubbles rising all around me. When I finally broke free from the water’s restrain, I quickly looked up to see who else survived our journey downstream. Unfortunately, I could distinguish no one. The fall spewed us so far apart from each other that each moving object looked alike. 

Although I knew there were other rafts on body patrol and that I would soon be scooped up, I decided that I couldn’t wait for someone else to come and rescue me. I swam as hard as I could across the rapids onto the only boulder in the middle of all the chaos. I forced myself on top and as soon as I was standing firm on a solid surface, joy washed over me. How spiritually symbolic this moment was! On Christ, the solid rock, I stand. It was just as the hymn proclaims. Directly in the midst of life’s challenge, there is definitely a peace in knowing God is an unwavering steady.

He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.

Mark 4:39 (NIV)

Challenged in a Way

Many people ask, how I reveal my past without regards to how it can affect my future and collectively, I’ve always answered them the same way. “Besides for testimony sake, the freedom that the truth carries weighs a considerable amount less than the burden and effort it takes to conceal my history.” However, this past week I was challenged in a way that tested not my commitment to sharing the truth, but my trust that the Lord would use my experiences regardless of what man says concerning it.

To explain in more detail, I was faced with needing an approval from a certain security administration before I could move forward in my personal life. I hung up the phone after stating each offense that I had against the State and as I spoke, it wasn’t in any way the same feeling as sharing my testimony with others for the end goal of encouraging the faith. It was simply a decision that seemed as though it were going to be based on letters and dates verses merit and growth. Because I didn’t immediately hear back, I sat on the couch outside of my office for nearly two hours after petitioning the Lord in prayer. I clearly allowed my circumstance to rule my thought life which reveals my lack of trust in our sovereign God.

As it turns out, I received the go ahead to proceed with my personal plans, but my thankfulness and appreciation doesn’t cover my poor response to the fear that presented itself just a week prior. Whether my past sin prohibits my near future, it is something that is out of my control. Looking back, I don’t know what I planned to accomplish by sitting motionless running through the endless possibilities of there being issues and problems. What is certain is that because of my worry, I wasted valuable time that I could have been using to plan out my sure witness for the Lord.

But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.  Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

John 14:26-27 (ESV)

The Crossroads Store

The skies were still dark when I headed to my holiday destination. I awoke just after four am in order to get there and waste as little daylight as possible. Callaway Gardens is only an hour and a half from me, but it didn’t stop me from preparing for the difficulty that I expected to have while traveling. See, the sky was not only dark because the sun had yet to rise, but the clouds above me were heavy and ready to shed their weight. I couldn’t yet tell whether this anticipated storm was going to hinder or help my day’s agenda. I didn’t know when I left if the weather of the moment would follow me east or not. Thankfully as I traveled, I left the storm behind me. The further I went, the clearer it became and my plans grew more and more hopeful.

The great theologian Charles Spurgeon once said “Digging a well is hard labour: but it is better to dig for water than die of thirst.” As I drove down the road, I praised the Lord for the abundance of water in my life. A great excess of Him is being poured out plainly before me and I am fool if I overlook His sovereign provision and blessing in my life. Tears were all I could do in response to these overwhelming feelings. The Lord truly loves me and I Him.

Just as I was forming this new understanding, I pulled up to a four way stop. I was at a crossroads. To my left sat an old, fixed up country shop called the Crossroads Store. I rolled down my window and snapped a picture of it with my phone. What if there was literally a store selling everything we need at every crossroads we come to in life? I rolled up the window and sat my phone down on top of my Bible in the passenger seat. At that moment, I realized that we do. We have a wealth of knowledge stored in one place and we have the freedom to carry it with us wherever we go. Whether we choose to use it or not, it is still available to us and the solution to our dilemmas is free in cost.

Like many others, I’ve recently been faced with decisions that need to be made. Today, I answer these questions in faith. Whether I can see far into the future or not, I will trust in what has been founded on faith from the very beginning.

“…but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

John 4:14 (ESV)

The Spencer Project - Part 3

"...It's almost midnight, and as usual I can't sleep. I tucked my little boy in bed and lie down to read “Field of Influence.” Some crazy lady came into my work with a chaplain and a huge heart! The chaplain was a good choice because of the miles of respect I have for him. Being my typical hardened soul, I was not overly interested in what I assumed was going to be a lecture about God, or that I lacked the proper amount of Catholic guilt in my life. However, what I got from her was a wave of passion. So excited, so talkative, and incredibly appreciative! Before I knew it, I offered this woman words that were kept hidden for 4 years. Before, only immediate family were allowed to read them. Then, the recent darkest words I felt compelled…

As I read Jenny's kind words and those in the replies, I was petrified! Seeing myself from another's point of view is odd and I've never been big on recognition.

As I read and as I am typing now, I'm lying in bed with tears streaming down my face and neck, overwhelmed with heartfelt gratitude and reminded of past horrors. The process of doing what I do each day, the sacrifices my family has endured, the painful injuries to my body and soul, and the death of so many of those who fought by my side, are all quite taxing. Knowing there are good people genuinely concerned about those of us who would never ask for anything in return fills my heart with the determination to continue forward.

Jenny, I'm reading your book because I really want to believe there is something more! I so rarely let others see the real me for their safety and mine...lol

Thank you for this chance to share my story with you. From your past, I see you are a fellow Warrior. I'm in good company!

I look forward to hearing more of your account! "

Respectfully,

John Spencer 
SSG, USA

The Spencer Project

Field of Influence

A Free eBook for All U.S. Military Chaplains

The purpose of The Spencer Project is to offer United States Military Chaplains another tool in order to help aid them in ministering to service men, women, and veterans who struggle with overcoming PTS and substance abuse. 

What is Field of Influence ?

Field of Influence is a Christian fiction novel who’s main character is a Marine who gets wounded in combat only to return home and fight another battle in addiction as a result of post war-related pain and stress.

The subject material in Field of Influence is intense and written straight from the core of human struggle. This graphic look inside the depths of soul is meant to not only guide those in the midst of trials, but educate those who are affected by them. 

What is the hope behind fulfilling this project ?

Our hope is that all who read this story understand the sovereign nature of our Almighty God and that nothing is beyond His ability to restore.

What is the Author’s desire ?

The author’s desire is that through her own past war, she is able to encourage the weary fighter, enlighten the confused bystander, and help birth new beginnings founded on faith.

Who is Spencer ?

Spencer is a brave Soldier that willingly expresses his personal journey with many of these struggles through written testimony.

How to obtain an eBook of Field of Influence:

To obtain your own personal eBook, please reference The Spencer Project in an email addressed directly to the author at:  jlreeseclark@gmail.com. Please mention which branch of the military you serve along with any questions.

For an overview of this material, you may email:  

U.S. ARMY Chaplain Caleb R. Schumacher at:  caleb.r.schumacher.mil@mail.mil. 

But he who is noble plans noble things, and on noble things he stands.

Isaiah 32:8 (ESV)

The Spencer Project - Part 2

As I listen to the folds in the paper come alive, He sends over another creased poem my way. This one has no name. Before I begin to read, I can't help but wonder why this Soldier carries the written thoughts of his heart around with him in print and readily available. I've heard it said before, "Don't wear your heart on your sleeve," however this gives a whole new meaning to the phrase in my mind. I realize that I am learning and before I move forward to discover more, I say a silent prayer to the Lord asking that He open my heart to understand the man that He has placed purposely in my Path. 

I've been trapped by these walls for seven long years; been one hell of a bout.

It's true that I know how I got here, just not how to get out.

I speak to you now with false hope on my breath,

but if you saw me inside it would scare you to death.

All of this time I've been lugging this gear,

searching for peace year after year.

Despite my best acting, I wish you could see.

At the end of it all, I don't know how to be me.

My mind is still over there, afraid and alone.

Don't give up on me yet; I'll find my way home.

I've carried this gear oh for so long,

and it's hard to admit that I'm not that strong.

I put myself out there to answer the call,

not knowing the job included building my walls.

I'm a stranger at home to my kids and my wife.

They watch in horror as I fight for my life.

The tears they come; my brothers, they're dying.

I lug all their gear secretly crying.

I drink all the liquor; did drugs to be stronger,

but this gear is too heavy. I can't hold it much longer.

I know I'm a time bomb trying to hide the truth.

I see you through black blood; my emptiness is proof.

The time has now come to look at my gear;

some isn't mine but I've kept it for years.

It won't be easy fighting my pride,

but I long for the day all this gears not inside.

I want to act as though I knew the exact words to comfort this wounded warrior, however all I could do was just love him. Spencer is exactly why I wrote my novel. His words reveal more than just bad memories. They speak to the hopelessness that comes from many years of warring with evil. 

I stayed and spoke with this brave one, listening to all he was willing to share for nearly an hour. When he finally revealed the amount of time that had passed between writing the two poems, I secretly cringed. I know the weight of his burden because I've carried it myself. It is way too much for one person to bare especially for this long.  

Trying not to expose my hidden horror, an idea came to my mind. I will give it a name and it will be called, The Spencer Project.

To be continued....

“…Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

 Matthew 11:28-30 (ESV)

The Spencer Project - Part 1

He sits across from me manning the position that is his. I share what brings me from so many miles away and in this, his hearing develops into a careful listen. Many of the words I have to say remind him of what he knows well and I can see in his face that it is he who wants to share. As though he could offer nothing more verbally, Spencer pulls from his pocket a poem and hands it to me...

‘Twas the night before Christmas (My version…)

‘Twas the night before Christmas when all through the world,

stood the Guardians of Freedom, some young and some old.

Their rifles were spotless and zeroed with care,

looking for the danger they know will be there.

They fear for their children at home in their beds,

yearning for the touch of a kiss on their heads.

And there I was prepared for the fight,

wondering when the evil of war would ignite.

When out of the dust there arose such a clatter,

I swiveled around to see what was the matter.

Outside the window, I saw a huge flash.

The air tasted rancid, of fuel and of trash.

The sound of my comrades, their cries in the air,

sent chills down my spine too cold to bare.

When what to my angered eyes should appear?

But a valiant young soldier, showing no fear.

I trained him well, but hoped he was brave,

hoping today it was my life he'd save.

With bullets whizzing over his head,

I feared in a moment that he would be dead.

Out of the smoke, more soldiers they came.

Some were like family, some with no name.

We deftly maneuvered, aiming to kill,

secretly saddened by the blood that we spill.

After the battle, on edge and so tired,

we relive the moments each bullet was fired.

We knew in a moment our lives had been changed,

some of us bloody, some brains rearranged.

Back at the FOB, I lie down and stare,

thinking of all the reasons I'm there.

Wiping my face with my own bloody glove,

I think of my family and all of their love.

I think of their faces with a tear in my eye,

glad that today was not my turn to die.

I think of America and all of her beauty,

honored to serve her, it's not just my duty.

I lived through today; I told you I would.

I'd be with you now, if only I could.

As I lie in my cot thinking of Christmas,

I smile from the thought of joy that it brings us.

I know you can't hear me, but I'm just out of sight.

“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.”

I look up after reading this intimate rhyme and stare directly into the eyes that take me back over a solid decade. My compassion for those who have seen gross evils doubles in an instant and I can hardly look away from the one I wish to embrace.

I have learned, pain has no barrier that it refuses to cross. It just spreads until its stop is forced. The only problem with this is that when its a spiritual injury, there is no formula created by man that can kill the intense, lingering effects that an experience like this has on the soul.

As I do what I do best at a time like this, it isn’t long before Spencer digs again. From another folded piece of paper comes words that pull me back to my place on the floor beside him.

To be continued…

 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
 a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (ESV)

 

My Fallen Hero

As Memorial Day draws near, I'm dedicated to figuring out the best way to honor the men and women who have sacrificed their lives for my freedom. The trouble is, I feel that I could sit here all day and never come up with a way that comes close to the amount of appreciation they deserve. My heart swells every time I think about all the lost warriors who have laid down their lives for the sake of my happiness. I pray that God somehow manage me to at least help show some of my gratitude through my writing. All to often our troops are forgotten and their efforts, overlooked. May my poem to them offer my sincere thanks and prayerfully help memorialize my fallen hero’s.

My Fallen Hero

On behalf of my freedom, I express to you now, my sincerest regards for your permanent bow. 
For here in the present, I weep for your past. May I never forget and this memory last.

Your shouts from the grave, still echo my soul; and I must admit, in my heart there's a hole. 
For in it you see, is happiness gained, but I can't share it with you and it’s here where I'm pained. 

The sacrifice you made on battlefield day, speaks to my heart in a very precious way.
For there's none here that give to the extent that you do, and no gift compare to the expense of you.

I sit and I try to write thanks in a way, but nothing is equal to the cost you pay. 
For here I am, and there you are; though your end, I go far.

If nothing I do for the rest my life, may I live to the fullest and honor your strife. 
Red, white, and blue are not colors to me, they're extensions of valor and your memory to see.

May God welcome you in and heal what you lost. May he bless what you gave us and all that it cost.

Happy Memorial Day my fallen hero!

Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friend. 

John 15:13 (ESV) 

In Abundance

Over the course of the last two years, I have petitioned many to pray on behalf of my outreach efforts. Whether it be through emails, letters, social media, or in person, I rally prayer support whenever I can find others willing to commit. After this past week, I must report that these labors are being answered in abundance.

Yesterday, I received news that I would be traveling to a very special place in June to speak with an even more precious group of people. When I heard the voice on the other end of the line tell me that I was able, I almost teared up. There is no way that my Lord does not hear my cries to please Him or know my desires to love on people. These individuals that I will have the opportunity to minister to through the sharing of my testimony, are already commonly known as my hero’s. How awesome it will be to stand in front of them and offer just a portion of what they already give to me.

I remember attending a conference once that claimed when starting a new ministry, you should have at least a 100 people praying for you at any given moment. I’m not sure if others prayed for me without ceasing, but the Lord responded regardless and in no small way.

All throughout history, memorials have been built as reminders of sacred or meaningful events throughout history. Symbols are established to evoke the ideas behind these inspirational occasions. Here lately, I can’t help but find myself ready to build a monument wherever I go. God is truly amazing and never has He left me to carry out my assignment for Him alone. He has always sent someone to cover my needs. Whether it be through encouraging words, financial support, service, or just plain presence, I‘m with divine provision to accomplish my goals.

May the Lord my God and His amazing body always be the Rock on which I am founded. I love you Father and thank you from the deepest part of me.

…do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7 

Off the Ground

This weekend, I had the never before opportunity of going indoor bouldering. What exactly is that you say? Well for us, it looked like climbing multiple warped walls without any ropes for safety. You simply follow the various tape patterns up a curvy arched slant and when you make it to the top, claim victory. It sounded exciting when I was invited and as soon as I got to see the obstacles for myself, they were right. There were many ways to test your abilities and I could not wait to conquer any number of them.

I sat down and quickly changed into more appropriate shoes. Once they were snug and snapped into place, I looked up to see what I wanted to attack first. My attitude towards accomplishing my goal became a little less hopeful. Will my broken body work like I hope? Without further delaying, I decided that I would never know until I try. So, I stepped forward and tackled a very large artificial boulder with all the guts I could find. 

The sport board I was on proved to be the challenge that it was, but the higher I climbed the more momentum and drive I had to succeed. This is such a great parallel for how I see my relationship with Christ. The more I seek His way and understanding, the more strength and courage I have to overcome. The more I listen to the doubting advice of the world and what my circumstances appear to be, the less likely I am to ever get off the ground.

Isaiah 40:9 says, Go on up to a high mountain, O Zion, herald of good news; lift up your voice with strength, O Jerusalem, herald of good news; lift it up, fear not; say to the cities of Judah, “Behold your God!”  These are wonderful instructions and more simply, a perfect depiction of what truly happened with every measure I gained. When I finally made it to the top of my climb, I knew it was not from my own ability, but from God's generous portion.

So he ran on ahead and climbed up into a sycamore tree in order to see Him, for He was about to pass through that way.

Luke 19:4 (ESV)

The Effect of Observing

Recently, I was privileged with the opportunity of attending this year’s NCAA Gymnastics Regionals in Auburn, AL. As soon as I walked in the Arena, I could feel excitement swell inside of me. As though I had never seen such athletes in all my life, I sat the entire first hour with chill bumps noticeable to everyone around me. Even my brother commented on how visible my thrill was. I just couldn’t help myself. I could barely contain this roaring mixture of team spirit and competition.

I would have thought it was just me and that this was a new sober moment, but when I went to the concessions to grab a pretzel, groups of adolescent girls were lined up behind the Arena’s seating having a secret competition of their own. From Cartwheels and walkovers to handsprings and back tucks, these aspiring young gymnasts eagerly gave the carpet their best in order to prove their ability among the crowd. When I saw this, I realized how impressive a fired up and enthusiastic crowd can be.

The effect of observing this simple scene reminds me of how I should approach my faith. As easy and as boldly as these girls were in acting on their inspiration, I should also be ready to act and display the good hope stored inside of me. Whether my condition provides the safety and comfort of a familiar atmosphere or not, I should step up and out both on and off the mats of life. In doing so, I may just stir a little excitement of my own.

Bravo little ones and may I always follow this example!

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Hebrews 12:1-2 (ESV)

Joy Comes in the Morning

It is not uncommon for me to multi-task by the end of the day. In truth, I just about have to in order to accomplish all that I wish to have done. But every so often, I run across a need that calls for my undivided attention and last Monday was one of those times. As I was scrolling through my list of private messages, I read a brief text from an extremely talented young man.

“…My friend had a heart attack and died. He was 20 years old. As many times as I could have talked to him about God…I was too busy getting high.”

These words ripped me apart, but for more than just the obvious reason; they are familiar to me. On more than one occasion, I have spoken this exact remorse and I personally know what his heart is suffering. Regret is one of the worst shames anyone can ever live with and knowing that opportunity was abundant, makes it even worse. I immediately prayed for this guy’s brokenness, but the words of encouragement that I sent to follow weren’t easy to write.

One thing that I have learned throughout my own painful journey is that affliction can blind, but the Lord is never without purpose. Even as His own Son was tortured and hung on a cross at Calvary, He rose again and brought with it the free eternal gift of Salvation for all who repent and call upon His name. NEVER did He not intend to use Christ’s pain and sacrifice. It was always as it should have been, and is as it should be now for our own sanctification sake.

My final thoughts to my grief stricken brother is for him to seek out the intention of the Lord’s allowance and pull from it the lesson designed for his own personal growth. May you never forget dear friend, that God is just.

“For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.”

Psalm 30:5 (ESV)

Uphill Trek

Yesterday consisted of an uphill trek. One building after another, I trudged the one way streets of downtown Montgomery in pursuit of obtaining all the business licenses and tax id’s that I’ll need in order to publish and sell my novel legally. One thing that surprised me while on my journey is that I never had to wait in line. I must have went to at least six different places and twice as many departments in order to achieve my goal, but not once was I stuck behind other people and their objectives for the day.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I have no patience for technical issues especially for one’s that I don’t know much about and hardly understand. While I realize that this is normal for anyone undertaking a new project, it didn’t make it any easier for me to deal with at the time. I was still anxious and impatient in not knowing what to expect next.

While I was filling out one of my last few applications at the probate office, a young couple came and stood beside me at the counter. I looked up to see the sign above them read ‘Marriage License’. I stopped and smiled to myself knowing that they were making an even more serious commitment than I was and they were doing it with smiles.

I seized the opportunity to find relief and began a healthy conversation with them, but what it demonstrates is that I still focus way too much on what is happening to me instead of happening for me. God made my experience of becoming a business owner fairly easy. It could have been much worse, with way more hassle, but He allowed me to progress with little common deterrents.

God is fully aware and it wasn’t until after talking to someone else that I realized my issue is more with the value that I place on these technicalities. If I weigh them correctly, I should understand that they are just as necessary and deserve the same effort as any other part of my ministry. While I don’t expect this irritant to naturally disappear, I do expect my behavior in the next event that presents challenge to be a little more patient and a lot more productive.

Lord, balance my scales please. I love you.

Jesus said to them, “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.” And they were amazed at Him. 

Mark 12:17